Paolo Maldini "Does A Figo"

Luís Aragones, Interviewed At Baboon.com

Another week has come and gone, and it's time to stare into next week's crystal ball and stun the world with The Italian Spot's amazing skills of prediction and prophecy. Or the ability to fix matches. This week appears to be a no-brainer, given there's only really two matches to analyze, and one of them includes Scotland. Anyone with any sense (or connections to Luciano Moggi) would be putting their money on a side packed with World Cup Winners, Champion's League Finalists and Golden Ball winners. Except Scotland have none of the above, yet are still no doubt destined to win.

Onto Spain, meanwhile, and the game becomes a little easier. Despite the individual brilliance of Señores Iniesta, Puyol, Villa, Silva, Xavi Alonso, Morientes, Ramos, Raúl, Fabregas, Casillas, Reyes, Xavi, Fernando Torres(???), Capdevila and every other player in the squad with an 'X' in their name, the team, as a whole, is pants. Luís Aragones doesn't help the situation by being a complete prat, mind you. His only effort of any significance this week was to snuffle away to Radio Marca in such indecipherable Spanish even the linguistic marvels of The Italian Spot couldn't make Arthur or Martha of it. Considering he once infamously called Henry a monkey, Aragones' more-than-passing resemblance to a ruffled baboon is mildly amusing, and deeply ironic. Bernd Schuster for Spain? Why not. Anyone brave enough to sport a 'tashe that big must have the balls to kick out the underperformers who drag down the rest of the squad. Pity he'll be managing our 1970's Military Bus next season.

Internazionale- Europe's Fastest Growing Country

With the number of new signings being close to the average immigration stats for a small European country, Inter fans can almost be forgiven for forgetting exactly who's in their team. The number of South Americans, for one thing, can make for a headache, particularly when The Italian Spot was watching Inter vs Villarreal last season, and wondering how it had stumbled into the Copa Libertadores when it was watching the UEFA CL only moments before. In another revelation, the latest poll by Gazzetta.it revealed over 70% of Inter fans were unaware of yesterdays double-signing of Paolo Maldini and Andrey Shevchenko.

Meanwhile, despite the new arrivals, patron Massimo Moratti is said to be thinking of clearing out the squad. This came following allegations every inn and manger in Ascoli was booked out for last weekend's visit of some 7690 Inter officials, over half of these reported to be the first team squad.

Capello Misses The (Military) Bus?

After some consultation with The Italian Spot (see last post), Real President and, err, 'lawyer' Ramon Calderon has given Capello the bump, according to reports from Italy, however fictitious they may be. Reports the scowling Italian is heading to Chelsea in a Jose M-swap were greeted with about as much excitement as the news that Steve McClaren has survived another week in charge of the most boring football team on the planet.

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Questions, comments and conspiracies to: theitalianspot@yahoo.com